Ordinary run-of-the-mill orgasms are great. But what if there was a way to give yourself the mother of all orgasms while also making his orgasm even better? Yeah, we thought you’d be listening. The good news is that such a thing exists. All you have to do is practice this little sex move called edging. Never heard of it? Let us fill you in.
What is edging?
If you’ve ever delayed gratification just long enough for your desire to grow so fierce you feel like you’re going to burst, then you’ve already experienced the concept behind edging. Simply put, “edging is when you bring yourself or your partner close to orgasm, back off before the orgasm is reached, and then build back up the sexual energy to approach the orgasm again,” says Uchenna Ossai, D.P.T., a pelvic health physical therapist and sex educator for LifeStyles and SKYN Condoms. “[It’s] one of the many, oh-so dope ways of enhancing a person’s orgasm and sexy time experience.”
It’s also a lot like being on a rollercoaster ride. Think of the orgasm as the end of the ride: You slowly take the coaster car up toward the top of the hill, but then you come back down before you get there, Ossai says. Repeat the process a few more times until you’ve reached your climax — AKA finished your ride.
Why does edging feel so good?
Denying yourself a cookie until your work is complete feels like a well-earned reward once you have it. The pleasure you’ll experience from edging can be just as psychological, but there’s also a pretty basic physical reason for why it’s so damn awesome.
“There is increased blood flow into the pelvic area when you stop orgasm and continue stimulation,” says Courtney Cleman, founder of the V. Club. “When we think of blood flow, we usually think of a male erection. But women have ‘erections’ of their clitoral organ, [and] edging creates a stronger erection for both men and women.”
Can you try edging on yourself?
You wouldn’t serve a meal to party guests without sampling it first, right? The best way to figure out what works for you is by trying out the edging technique during masturbation.
“Women can edge by varying sensations instead of falling into a rhythmic pattern of movement,” Cleman says. So if you typically masturbate with your fingers and prefer slow, rhythmic strokes along your clitoris, start off that way, then mix it up with faster strokes or circular motions around your clitoris. Love vibrators? Experiment with different speeds or invest in a sex toy that wouldn’t ordinarily capture your attention or imagination.
To really embrace edging, leave yourself wanting more by masturbating for a few minutes, stopping, and attempting to distract yourself by taking on another task before going back to the deed, Cleman says. The more excitement you build, the more powerful your orgasm.
How can you try the edging technique on your partner?
Once you’ve tried edging on yourself, if you’re ready to experiment with your partner then the first step is the most important one: communicate.
“You don’t want to confuse your partner and make them wonder why it is taking you extra time to reach orgasm,” Cleman says. “Be open about your desire to edge. It’s a hot, sexual practice that a couple can enjoy together.”
A few ways to get started: “You could playfully push your partner aside when you get very close to orgasm, or turn the attention onto them for a moment,” Cleman suggests. If there’s anything you’re nervous about (like areas you do not want to be touched), Ossai says to establish those boundaries beforehand. Otherwise, take turns playing with different techniques to bring yourself or your partner to orgasm.
What are some edging techniques?
When it comes to specific edging techniques, the sky is the limit. What’s best for you and your partner really depends on your manual, oral, and penetration preferences. But Ossai says the “green light, red light” approach is a good place to start.
“This is when you come close to orgasm and then you stop touching completely — red light — and allow the sexual energy to calm down a bit [before starting] again — green light,” Ossai says. You can also use the “green light, yellow light” approach. When you come close to orgasm, slowly back off by touching other parts of the body in a slow and controlled manner, Ossai says. “You are still holding the sexual energy, it’s just being diverted until you are ready to get back to orgasm town.”
One thing you shouldn’t do? Rush yourself or your partner. Edging is all about relaxation and focusing on pleasure in the moment.
“Depending on the context of the day or your life, you may come to orgasm in two minutes or it [could take] 45 minutes,” Ossai says. “What really chases the pleasure away is preconceived notions of how sex should be. If you want to try edging with your partner, approach this like you would a sexy exploration game. The theme: ‘experience pleasure.’”
By Lisa Fogarty